I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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