Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
