I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
