His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
