So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
