How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
