People in love make me want to vomit
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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