I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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