Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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