but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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