I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize