For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
