so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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