So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
