Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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