I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize