"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
