remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
if only i could text you this smell
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize