That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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