You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Are my feet made of real feet?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
