the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize