Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
