my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
