I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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