Quick, to the slutcave!
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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