He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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