So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
