the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
