But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
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