Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
