In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
