if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
