Quick, to the slutcave!
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We had to coat check the pizza.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
