Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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