no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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