Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
