I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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