I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
