She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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