u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
