I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
