His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
