I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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