So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
