She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
