did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
