Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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