Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
