the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize