so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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