Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
