Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
