Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
