That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
