Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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