if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
