I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
