you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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