I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
