I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
