cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
And then the night went full on bisexual.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
