She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
