The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
