I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Let's paint friendship bongs
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
