i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
