Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
if only i could text you this smell
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
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