super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
